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Brian, what exactly is it that you do and what does a typical day look like?
[Laughs] There’s no such thing as a typical day and I think that when I get to the point that there is I will hand my notice into myself!
I’m an author, a broadcaster, a speaker. I lead retreats and I work one-on-one with people. What I love to do is help people make soulful, meaningful connections with everyday life. I love to create space for people; space for them to step into either literally or metaphorically. In our busy culture people have very little space and they don’t give themselves permission to enter it so what I do is provide the opportunity for them to stop, reflect and make more meaningful connections with their life.
You regularly do BBC Radio 4’s Thought for the Day where you talk about engaging in the world from a spiritual perspective. Sum up your own spiritual journey.
I was brought up as a Christian and always loved what was at the heart of the Christian faith but the culture of the church said nothing to me about my life. Most of my friends left when they got to 18. I was clinging on by my fingernails with one or two other creative people.
It was a really exciting time 20 years ago: The world was changing – the Berlin wall was falling, we were sending our first emails, the internet was suddenly available, and people were questioning ‘what is truth’. It was an opportunity for me and a group of people to dream about what church could look like so we went on a bit of a journey through the alternative worship movement, which felt a bit like punk rock – punching a hole in the wall for other people to stick their heads through to see what might happen on the other side.
Six or seven years ago I discovered the contemplatives and contemplative spirituality. This made so much sense of my own faith and my own life. I realised that in this culture we need their message; we need to be able to stop, pause and be still. The one thing I would say about all the neo-monastic, contemplative stuff is that while it’s crucial that we learn to stop, we don’t want to be sitting around in the desert for the next 20 years. I’m passionate about pausing in order to act well and decisively from out of that stillness; it’s about bringing being and doing back together again.
In terms of my own spiritual journey there’s a wonderful song by Martin Joseph called on my way and in that he says, I’m running and stumbling and on my way. That open and honest spirituality sums it up. I’m sometimes running, I’m often stumbling and I hope that I’m loving…
Your own spiritual heritage has come from the Christian tradition but you work with people of all faiths and none at all. What do we all share in common and how do we connect around that?
One of the things we all share in common is that most of us are tired, busy and stressed! Most of us yearn for more: There must be more than working all the hours God sends, buying loads of stuff, or spending endless hours on social media. We don’t necessarily know where to look for it, that’s all.
We are yearning for that deeper sense of communion, connection, and meaning. In a very troubled world, most of us sense that we are part of the problem but that we want to become part of the solution. A shared spirituality can help us to become part of that.
You talk about spiritual intelligence – what exactly is that?
We have our rational intelligence – our IQ – all of us have sat our tests in school and we can relate to that. We have our emotional intelligence: a great leader or manager can differentiate themselves in the way that they understand themselves and those around them – what makes people tick – it can really give them an edge in life.
Spiritual intelligence goes beyond IQ and even EQ. You are born with IQ and you can’t do much with it, with EQ you learn to work with how you are, but spiritual intelligence – the centre of where we gain our meaning and our purpose and all the stuff that matters most to us – we can attend to. It can help us on a transformative journey; it can help us to better become the people we were created to be. It is the art of reflecting deeply on who we are in order to express that through what we do.
In your book, Spiritual Intelligence you write about four journeys that take us deeper into our spiritual intelligence – tell me what it means to live life in what you describe as ‘flow’.
[Laughs] This mysterious place where we’d all like to get to! Most of us have glimpsed it and most of us struggle to inhabit it for much of the time!
I think that many of us in today’s culture are caught between two poles of existence: passivity and driven-ness. Flow is a way of being that transcends those polar opposites and sets a new agenda. As a Christian I would understand it as participating in God’s creation, in what he is doing and what he is blessing and also in the universe and the way that it has been set up to roll in terms of its seasons, cycles and rhythms.
So many of us strive to leave our mark on the world and we miss the point – it’s not about leaving our mark, it’s about working with what is here; it requires a counter-intuitive way of being which often involves slowing down in order to get to where you want to go faster or relinquishing your grip on all that you think is yours in order to receive riches beyond compare.
Two words characterise flow: ‘synchronicity’; that sense of being more deeply connected with nature, each other, God, and what is going on around us and ‘serendipity’. When I find that I am connected nice serendipitous things tend to happen. I think of it as lining up with the way the universe is working and the way that God is working within it. When you are lined up with that, things happen that you couldn’t have planned for or made happen yourself. This happens to me when I’m in ‘flow’.
Much of your work draws upon ancient spiritual disciplines; can you tell me what your own rhythm of life looks like?
I have three reasonably young children so on one level it looks like a constantly interrupted, crazy, normal family life. I’m passionate about how we make deeper connections from within that craziness – I’m certainly not some sort of spiritual guru!
Nevertheless, there are things that help me, such as getting in touch with the seasons: anything that I can do that will reconnect me to where we are in the year. That is the big picture and I like to get in touch with those rhythms.
On a daily basis there are simple things I try to practice such as short periods of silence before I start my day; you might call that meditation or centring prayer. Running: I find this to be the most important part of my day creatively; it is a time when I reconnect with myself and for me it is a spiritual discipline. Also simple things like trying to be fully present with the kids during that period after tea and through to bedtime; trying to be present with them while they are growing up, just doing little things like reading a story while making sure my phone is off. These things are spiritual.
Stop, relax, breathe, smile and… explain!
I use that at the beginning of my new book, What Matters Most? I’m keen to help people build small, sustainable habits that break the pattern of ‘busy-ness as usual’.
Stopping: we find this so hard. Just stopping can be a profound experience. We like to think we can multi-task. We can’t. Relaxing: we carry so much tension and stress with us. We can often feel it in our bodies – in our jaws, or our shoulders, for example. If you can relax yourself it helps you to become more present. Breathing: If you are a runner or singer, you will know the importance of breathing. We tend to race breathlessly from task to task and person to person without stopping and we take too many shallow breathes. We were designed to breathe more slowly, to take fewer breathes, more deeply. We gain more physical energy and emotional benefit from that. Smiling: I often lead retreats and people arrive looking very po-faced and very serious! In pursing what matters most we are going after what is simple, good and lasting. We’re looking for treasure and this is a delightful, joy-filled pursuit. A smile is contagious!
What or who is it that we are connecting with?
We are connecting with four things. God: In my book, I challenge us to be open to who God is. We sometimes close this down with our various assumptions and preconceptions. We’re also seeking to connect with each other; with creation and with our true selves.
We don’t want to be self-obsessed and yet God has given us soul and it is unique and beautiful and distinctive and unless we connect with who God has created us to be we cannot bring the full potential of that to bear on the world around us.
Ultimately, I am lead to the Source: What is your source of energy, wisdom, courage, values, faith, life and ultimately of love. Where do you go to drink deeply from that source so that it overflows through you and out to the world around you? There is a mystery to who and what we are connecting with and we should enjoy and embrace that.
Who or what do you imagine God to be?
That’s a really good question. I’m trying to stop imagining who God is because I can really limit who I believe him to be as a result of my own limited imagination. I find centring prayer helpful. It is the simple practice of sitting quietly and releasing the thoughts that are in your head to return to a position of complete openness to God. This has allowed me to release and let go of my assumptions and preconceptions of who God is. We bump into God in the ordinariness of everyday life: receiving an undeserved smile from a child; gazing at the Milky Way on a dark night, sipping a cold beer on a summer’s day with nothing else to do. If we can’t see God in these things then we’re missing a fundamental part of who he is. I’m trying to live my life with eyes wide open so the treasure makes itself known. I’m beginning to realise that the treasure is not ‘over there’ but that we’ve been standing on it all along.
Is this how we discover What Matters Most? Is this the meaning of life?
I don’t think there is one definitive, right answer to that. I think it lies in how we ask the question and the response we make to going in search of what matters most. Instead of just living automatically, let’s ask ourselves the question. We pour so much of our energy, time, money and self into stuff that may not matter in the end. Can we pause to think, ‘What matters to me?’ and ‘How can I pursue a life that looks like what matters to me really does matter to me?’ So, I guess as we live creatively, courageously, tenaciously and lovingly the answer will look different for us all .
Brian Draper’s new book What Matters Most? is available from all good bookshops